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// On :Friday, September 25, 2015
Well, I've kept you waiting long enough. I am SO SORRY about that, and I feel awful about it. I really do. But, here's your review! It's a special one, because it's double digits! It's...
ATTACK ON TITAN: PART 1
OK, for those of you who can't read Japanese, haven't seen the poster, or are just too lazy to look up translations for yourselves (any of those options are fine), I'll give you a quick walkthrough of the translation. The top part lists Hajime Isayama as the creator of the source material, Shinji Higuchi as the director, and Yusuke Watanabe as the writer (although there were technically two writers, the other being Tomohiro Machiyama. I don't know why he isn't listed on the poster).
The part in red that says この世界は、残酷か means "The world is cruel" or "The world is merciless."
Then we have the title of the film, 進撃の巨人, which literally means "advancing giants." However, because that just doesn't sound badass, they changed the translation of it to something similar enough. Something we now know and love as...Attack on Titan.
Now, I know what you're thinking. I bet it's probably something along the lines of, "Kanna, you already did a review of Attack on Titan. Why are you doing it again?" Well, because...the first part of the live action movie came out. And I was super excited for it. I mean REALLY excited. It was all I'd ever talk about with my friends, regardless of whether they watched the anime or not (needless to say, they got tired of it pretty quickly). The trailer was AMAZING. For those of you who want to see the epic-ness WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES, here you go.
Note that this is the trailer that they used for the U.S. release of the movie. I saw the other trailers for Australia, New Zealand, and Singapore, but thought this would be more appropriate since I live in the U.S.
With an AMAZING trailer, AMAZING looking special effects, and having the creator of the original source material work on the writing team, those of us who were eagerly anticipating the movie were super, seriously excited. Not to mention having an amazing cast with actors like Haruma Miura, Kiko Mizuhara, and Kanata Hongo leading the cast.
I can't wait to see how well this movie was adapted! I mean, they had HAJIME FREAKING ISAYAMA on the writing team. There's NO WAY POSSIBLE they could screw this up, right? Right? RIGHT?!
RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
ONE SCREENING LATER
Good G-d...where did they go wrong? I mean...wow. Just...wow. I'm actually at a loss for words. I mean...how much could they POSSIBLY screw up before utterly DESTROYING everything that is Attack on Titan? I just...well, let's start with the first of the movie's problems. And I will TRY to keep this brief, but this movie just seemed to go on FOREVER, so I make no promises.
1. The characters
GOOD FREAKING G-D, the characters. Nothing wrong with the actors (although I could be biased saying that, because I am a fan of Haruma Miura and Kanata Hongo) or the performances they gave (okay, some of the scenes do have pretty bad acting), but...could they be anymore OUT OF CHARACTER? I get it's an adaptation and you have to make some changes, but let's go over what really makes me angry about this.
GOOD FREAKING G-D, the characters. Nothing wrong with the actors (although I could be biased saying that, because I am a fan of Haruma Miura and Kanata Hongo) or the performances they gave (okay, some of the scenes do have pretty bad acting), but...could they be anymore OUT OF CHARACTER? I get it's an adaptation and you have to make some changes, but let's go over what really makes me angry about this.
In the anime and manga, Mikasa was Eren's foster sister, and they looked out for each other. Mikasa was there for Eren when he struggled to understand the fact that he could turn into a Titan, the very thing he hated. But in the movie, Mikasa and Eren weren't brother and sister. They were boyfriend and girlfriend. Why? No reason. They just were.
Another change: Personalities. Good G-D, this was where they REALLY went wrong. Apparently, Eren's fearless attitude when standing against the Titans made him "difficult to relate to" according to Isayama. So, they threw away Eren's fearlessness and backstory of someone, who, as a BOY, killed someone to protect Mikasa. They basically turned Eren into a WIMP. A really big wimp.
2. Who's missing?
Let me show you something, and then we'll talk a little about it.
Notice someone missing? Or, someones? Say...Levi? Annie? Bertholdt? Reiner? LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN? THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTER IN ALL OF ATTACK ON TITAN? And that's just A FEW of the missing characters!
Well, as luck would conveniently have it, they're not ACTUALLY missing (well...some of them, at any rate). Nope. Their names have been changed. I think. It's a little hard to say, as I'm not sure who was supposed to be playing the movie's version of Annie, if she was even in this movie, or if we'll even see her in Attack on Titan Part 2: End of the World. But they did leave a lot of characters out.
Notice something else? Say...how all the names aside from Eren's and Armin's are all Japanese? To be fair, Mikasa's name is Japanese already, so it's not like they could change that. But yeah. Captain Levi FREAKING Ackerman (sorry, but he's my favorite character) became Shikishima, Commander Shadis became Kubal, Hannes became Souda, and Zoë Hange became Hans.
There are a lot of movie exclusive characters, which is risky enough. There are movies that do this fairly well, like The Hobbit trilogy. But to change the names of fan favorite characters? You need to have some serious NERVE to do that and be successful. This movie FAILED.
So, why change the names of fan favorite characters like Levi (sorry...he's kinda my favorite character)? Well, there's a reason for that, and it's a pretty stupid one at that. It's because the names DIDN'T TRANSLATE.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Probably something along the lines of, "Kanna, they had to; they don't have the letter 'l' in Japanese, and the 'v' sound isn't that common..." Look, I'm totally aware of that. But when you can pronounce names like Levi FREAKING Ackerman pretty decently in the anime and have it translate well enough into the manga, there's really no excuse. Besides, Lil and Kubal have the letter 'l' in their names. How did they get a free pass? It's RIDICULOUS.
3. The Titans
These things were the CORE PART of the movie. Even if you HATED the characters, you probably wanted to see the movie so you could watch these giant monstrosities rip up the village the characters lived in and then eat the people living there, leaving little to no survivors.
Well...how do I put this lightly? THE CGI SUCKED. I mean, how could you SCREW UP the things in the movie that people were actually looking forward to seeing? How do you go from a Colossal Titan that looks like this
to a Colossal Titan that looks like this?
Heck, even the Titan ARMY looks ridiculous! I mean...wow, the CGI is TERRIBLE. I understand that this sort of animation takes time (and lots of it), but the people in charge of the CGI had LOADS of time. THIS IS THE BEST THEY COULD DO?
Oh, but since we're on the subject of stuff that clearly defies expectations, how about stuff that defies logic?
As I addressed in my review of the anime, Titans can't reproduce. They have no reproductive organs (which doesn't explain why the female Titans in the movie have fairly large chests, but that's beside the point).
In one scene of the movie, Eren and one of the movie-exclusive characters (I honestly don't care about her enough to remember her name) are in a destroyed house when they hear a baby crying. They wonder if the baby they hear was a survivor of the attack and go out to investigate before the crying gets louder. And louder. AND LOUDER. And when Eren and insert-movie-exclusive-character-here go to investigate, we get our first look at the baby. We see an eye. And it's a pretty big one at that.
Turns out, it's a Titan BABY.
Yeah.
Because, apparently, Titans can reproduce in this abomination of a movie's universe. This fact TOTALLY contradicts itself, as it was stated in the anime, manga, and earlier in the movie that Titans CAN'T reproduce. SO HOW DID THIS TITAN BABY COME INTO BEING? Did lightning just strike and it appeared? Was it like how the Orcs were created in Lord of the Rings? I mean...HOW THE FLYING FRICK DID THIS BABY COME INTO BEING? TITANS DO NOT HAVE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS! THIS MAKES NO SENSE! I mean...LOOK AT THIS THING! THIS! IS! NOT! NORMAL!
 |
| OK, in all fairness, Titans aren't normal, but...since when was a Titan BABY considered normal? |
Well, that's going to haunt my nightmares. Keep in mind I'm doing this for YOU GUYS.
Meaning: I'M LOSING MY FREAKING SANITY OVER HERE! SOMEONE HELP!
Actually, you know what? Don't answer my question about when a Titan BABY was considered normal. I don't think I want to know. Let's just move on.
4. Pacing
I watch a few horror movies here and there. It's not my favorite genre (that's not to say I hate horror movies, but I don't necessarily love them, either), but M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense is one of my all time FAVORITE horror movies. However, for those of you who are more familiar with M. Night Shyamalan's more modern day works, like Signs, The Last Airbender, Devil, and After Earth (you know, the movies that no one really likes to talk about), those are the works where the acting is AWFUL and the pacing is just downright SLOW.
This movie made me feel like I was watching a Shyamalan film. And if this movie made me feel like I was watching The Sixth Sense, I wouldn't be making this complaint. The Sixth Sense was an AMAZING movie that I've seen quite a few times (might be watching it this Halloween, but that's beside the point). But this movie was just so unbelievably slow. I mean, I shouldn't end up bored out of my mind within the first TEN MINUTES of the movie. But it takes the Colossal Titan FOREVER to make its grand entrance. I felt like I was just staring at the screen for anywhere from twenty to forty-five minutes before it FINALLY showed. And who knows? Maybe it really was forty-five minutes.
Not only that, but because of the UNBELIEVABLY SLOW pacing in this movie, by the time a fight scene comes up, you're probably already about to fall asleep if you haven't already due to these unnecessary plot points that come up because of the movie-exclusive-characters, and the changes that were made to the not-movie-exclusive-characters make the movie even more slow. I mean...I think I was about to fall asleep (and probably would have) if my friends didn't tell me about the Colossal Titan's grand entrance coming up. And the points I made about pacing lead me into my next problem with the movie.
5. Writing
Before I say anything else, let me say that this wouldn't be as big of a problem for me if it wasn't for one really big reason. And I mean BIG. Why is this a BIG problem? Well...because...
THE IDIOTS WRITING THE MOVIE HAD THE CREATOR OF THE ORIGINAL SOURCE MATERIAL, HAJIME ISAYAMA, ON THEIR TEAM! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY SCREW THIS UP?
Not only that, but Isayama apparently ASKED for some of the changes to the setting and characters to be made. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU TURNED EREN INTO A WIMP, DECIDED TO REPLACE LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN WITH THIS SHIKISHIMA GUY (I really couldn't care less about Shikishima, but...Levi...), AND JUST RUINED EVERYTHING! YOU CREATED THE SOURCE MATERIAL, WORKED ON THE WRITING, FANS PAID BILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO COLLECT ALL THE VOLUMES OF THE MANGA AS WELL AS VARIOUS MERCHANDISE, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?
And if you've seen the movie, you'll notice that it's not set in what looks like a post-apocalyptic Germany (note that the apocalypse has not happened and I've never been to Germany), but in Japan. Specifically, a deserted island off the coast of Nagasaki called Hashima, but it has the nickname "Gunkanjima" which literally means "Battleship Island" because the island looks like a ship in the water. As cool as that is...would it really have been that hard to film in Germany? I mean, I've never been, but I'm sure they could find SOMEWHERE in Germany to film it.
Not only that, but the characters say lots of things that you would NEVER BE ABLE TO IMAGINE them saying in the anime or manga. Forgetting the movie-exclusive characters, Eren acts like a total wimp, Mikasa...I can't even talk about her. But the dialog is off. It's possible some things were lost in translation and didn't quite carry over well, but unlikely.
6. Music
I LOVE a good soundtrack. So, when you have awesome songs like 紅蓮の弓矢 (Crimson Bow and Arrow) and 自由の翼 (Wings of Freedom) featured in the TV anime, and more awesome songs like 紅蓮の座標 (I couldn't find a good translation; when I do, I'll edit it in) and 自由の代償 (The Price of Freedom), along with pretty awesome ending songs for the anime, you would think that the music for this movie would be FREAKING AWESOME. Especially when you consider the fact that the guys doing the music for the movie, Shiro Sagisu, got the hit Japanese group, Sekai no Owari (literally: End of the World) to perform the theme songs for the movie.
The theme songs were called "ANTI-HERO" and "SOS." You'd think with titles like that, we'd be bound to get some form of hard rock or something that SOMEWHAT resembled Linked Horizon's sound (they're the group that did the music for the anime).
And...you'd be very wrong, indeed.
First of all, listen to "ANTI-HERO" and tell me if you think for so much as a second that the song belongs in the movie.
Now, listen to "SOS" and tell me if you think that THIS belongs in the movie.
Do these songs fit? AT ALL? Even remotely? I mean...WHY THE FRICK COULDN'T THEY GET LINKED HORIZON?!
I understand that these were Sekai no Owari's first songs that were ENTIRELY in English, so my complaint has nothing to do with that. I like that they're trying and applaud the effort. However, these songs SUCK. I mean...they just don't fit at all. It's pretty bad. I'm hopeful the songs in Part 2 will be better, but on the other hand, I don't want to get my hopes up.
Good G-d I could go on and on, but I think I'll stop there.
So...what do I think of this movie?
0 OUT OF 5
First, I'm rating this out of 5 because there's a second part coming out called Attack on Titan Part 2: End of the World. When I review that one, I'll take both of the ratings and look at the two movies as one whole movie while rating it out of ten.
Why: Well...you can clearly see why this movie sucks from the reasons listed above. There's a lot wrong with it. And while the movie does advertise itself as something that those new to Attack on Titan could watch, it wouldn't leave a good impression with those who were new to it. The writing seems lazy, the CGI is crap, and the fact that they got rid of LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN, THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTER IN ALL OF ATTACK ON TITAN, AND REPLACED HIM WITH THIS SHIKISHIMA GUY would be enough to make anyone angry.
Look, it's one thing when you have to make adaptations. I get it. Changes have to be made. But...why change the names of so many of our favorite characters? You know, like LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN?
And before you ask, I'm not going to stop calling him LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN. He's that badass. He deserves it. Plus, I'm really ticked at how this movie sucks.
Anyway, why change the location? Why change all these names? Why change everything we KNOW AND LOVE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS OF ATTACK ON TITAN? Why change the Titans into some of the most horrible-looking and yet somehow laughable things on the planet? These things are supposed to be SCARY! We're supposed to jump or something when they're on screen; NOT BE WOKEN UP FROM ALMOST FALLING ASLEEP!
OK...there...I'm done. And out of breath. This movie sucks. The only reason I'm planning on watching Part 2 is to see if it will be any better and if it will include my favorite arc in the entire series.
Well, now I have a headache. I'm going to find something to do so I can get rid of my headache and have some more positive thoughts in my head. I'm getting back to loving life, and so should you! See you soon with Anime Monday #11! ~k
Meaning: I'M LOSING MY FREAKING SANITY OVER HERE! SOMEONE HELP!
Actually, you know what? Don't answer my question about when a Titan BABY was considered normal. I don't think I want to know. Let's just move on.
4. Pacing
I watch a few horror movies here and there. It's not my favorite genre (that's not to say I hate horror movies, but I don't necessarily love them, either), but M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense is one of my all time FAVORITE horror movies. However, for those of you who are more familiar with M. Night Shyamalan's more modern day works, like Signs, The Last Airbender, Devil, and After Earth (you know, the movies that no one really likes to talk about), those are the works where the acting is AWFUL and the pacing is just downright SLOW.
This movie made me feel like I was watching a Shyamalan film. And if this movie made me feel like I was watching The Sixth Sense, I wouldn't be making this complaint. The Sixth Sense was an AMAZING movie that I've seen quite a few times (might be watching it this Halloween, but that's beside the point). But this movie was just so unbelievably slow. I mean, I shouldn't end up bored out of my mind within the first TEN MINUTES of the movie. But it takes the Colossal Titan FOREVER to make its grand entrance. I felt like I was just staring at the screen for anywhere from twenty to forty-five minutes before it FINALLY showed. And who knows? Maybe it really was forty-five minutes.
Not only that, but because of the UNBELIEVABLY SLOW pacing in this movie, by the time a fight scene comes up, you're probably already about to fall asleep if you haven't already due to these unnecessary plot points that come up because of the movie-exclusive-characters, and the changes that were made to the not-movie-exclusive-characters make the movie even more slow. I mean...I think I was about to fall asleep (and probably would have) if my friends didn't tell me about the Colossal Titan's grand entrance coming up. And the points I made about pacing lead me into my next problem with the movie.
5. Writing
Before I say anything else, let me say that this wouldn't be as big of a problem for me if it wasn't for one really big reason. And I mean BIG. Why is this a BIG problem? Well...because...
THE IDIOTS WRITING THE MOVIE HAD THE CREATOR OF THE ORIGINAL SOURCE MATERIAL, HAJIME ISAYAMA, ON THEIR TEAM! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY SCREW THIS UP?
Not only that, but Isayama apparently ASKED for some of the changes to the setting and characters to be made. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU TURNED EREN INTO A WIMP, DECIDED TO REPLACE LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN WITH THIS SHIKISHIMA GUY (I really couldn't care less about Shikishima, but...Levi...), AND JUST RUINED EVERYTHING! YOU CREATED THE SOURCE MATERIAL, WORKED ON THE WRITING, FANS PAID BILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO COLLECT ALL THE VOLUMES OF THE MANGA AS WELL AS VARIOUS MERCHANDISE, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?
And if you've seen the movie, you'll notice that it's not set in what looks like a post-apocalyptic Germany (note that the apocalypse has not happened and I've never been to Germany), but in Japan. Specifically, a deserted island off the coast of Nagasaki called Hashima, but it has the nickname "Gunkanjima" which literally means "Battleship Island" because the island looks like a ship in the water. As cool as that is...would it really have been that hard to film in Germany? I mean, I've never been, but I'm sure they could find SOMEWHERE in Germany to film it.
Not only that, but the characters say lots of things that you would NEVER BE ABLE TO IMAGINE them saying in the anime or manga. Forgetting the movie-exclusive characters, Eren acts like a total wimp, Mikasa...I can't even talk about her. But the dialog is off. It's possible some things were lost in translation and didn't quite carry over well, but unlikely.
6. Music
I LOVE a good soundtrack. So, when you have awesome songs like 紅蓮の弓矢 (Crimson Bow and Arrow) and 自由の翼 (Wings of Freedom) featured in the TV anime, and more awesome songs like 紅蓮の座標 (I couldn't find a good translation; when I do, I'll edit it in) and 自由の代償 (The Price of Freedom), along with pretty awesome ending songs for the anime, you would think that the music for this movie would be FREAKING AWESOME. Especially when you consider the fact that the guys doing the music for the movie, Shiro Sagisu, got the hit Japanese group, Sekai no Owari (literally: End of the World) to perform the theme songs for the movie.
The theme songs were called "ANTI-HERO" and "SOS." You'd think with titles like that, we'd be bound to get some form of hard rock or something that SOMEWHAT resembled Linked Horizon's sound (they're the group that did the music for the anime).
And...you'd be very wrong, indeed.
First of all, listen to "ANTI-HERO" and tell me if you think for so much as a second that the song belongs in the movie.
Now, listen to "SOS" and tell me if you think that THIS belongs in the movie.
Do these songs fit? AT ALL? Even remotely? I mean...WHY THE FRICK COULDN'T THEY GET LINKED HORIZON?!
I understand that these were Sekai no Owari's first songs that were ENTIRELY in English, so my complaint has nothing to do with that. I like that they're trying and applaud the effort. However, these songs SUCK. I mean...they just don't fit at all. It's pretty bad. I'm hopeful the songs in Part 2 will be better, but on the other hand, I don't want to get my hopes up.
Good G-d I could go on and on, but I think I'll stop there.
So...what do I think of this movie?
0 OUT OF 5
First, I'm rating this out of 5 because there's a second part coming out called Attack on Titan Part 2: End of the World. When I review that one, I'll take both of the ratings and look at the two movies as one whole movie while rating it out of ten.
Why: Well...you can clearly see why this movie sucks from the reasons listed above. There's a lot wrong with it. And while the movie does advertise itself as something that those new to Attack on Titan could watch, it wouldn't leave a good impression with those who were new to it. The writing seems lazy, the CGI is crap, and the fact that they got rid of LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN, THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTER IN ALL OF ATTACK ON TITAN, AND REPLACED HIM WITH THIS SHIKISHIMA GUY would be enough to make anyone angry.
Look, it's one thing when you have to make adaptations. I get it. Changes have to be made. But...why change the names of so many of our favorite characters? You know, like LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN?
And before you ask, I'm not going to stop calling him LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN. He's that badass. He deserves it. Plus, I'm really ticked at how this movie sucks.
Anyway, why change the location? Why change all these names? Why change everything we KNOW AND LOVE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS OF ATTACK ON TITAN? Why change the Titans into some of the most horrible-looking and yet somehow laughable things on the planet? These things are supposed to be SCARY! We're supposed to jump or something when they're on screen; NOT BE WOKEN UP FROM ALMOST FALLING ASLEEP!
OK...there...I'm done. And out of breath. This movie sucks. The only reason I'm planning on watching Part 2 is to see if it will be any better and if it will include my favorite arc in the entire series.
Well, now I have a headache. I'm going to find something to do so I can get rid of my headache and have some more positive thoughts in my head. I'm getting back to loving life, and so should you! See you soon with Anime Monday #11! ~k
Didn't think they'd screw it up THAT badly! Jeez.... Great review!
ReplyDeleteThey did...and the fact that I'm forcing myself to sit through Part 2 when I can find a subbed version must be a testament to my sanity. I honestly don't understand how they could screw this up when they had HAJIME FREAKING ISAYAMA on the writing team. And the ironic thing? HE WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR MOST OF THE CHANGES!
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